Part of me never ceases to be amazed at how little people know themselves, including Christians. But another part understands it well, because there was a time that I was blind to my fallen human nature. We know there are evil people in the World, the Nazi prison guards, those in the other political party. Part of our blindness, is that while it is easy to see evil in others, it's not so easy to see it in ourselves. We have this tendency to divide the world into two, those who are evil, and those who are on our side. And even some of them! It can be a rude awakening to realize just what each and every one of us is capable of. I read that some forms of PTSD in war vets are triggered by the realization of the rabid beast they became in the midst of the horrors of war. Trying to put this together with their own self image of someone who is good, or at the very least someone who is normal, is a great disconnect.
The famous Soviet author Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn who endured unbelievable brutality in the Soviet prisons during Stalin's reign of power (a minimum of 2.7 million dies), would ruminate on what took place under him as an officer in World War II during the Prussian campaign. After such ruminations, he would ask himself “Were we any better?” He writes that there is nothing that so assists the awakening of self knowledge within us as insistent thoughts about one's own transgressions, errors and mistakes. His own conclusion is that the line that divides good and evil is not between political parties, races, cultures or people groups, rather “the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?”
My own encounter with my heart in this regard, came after the breakup of my first marriage where I was so convinced she was evil, and I had murder in my heart. To this day am not at all sure I would not have carried it out, if I thought I could have gotten away with it. But the Bible know all this very well. “The heart is deceitful above all and desperately wicked” (Jeremiah 17:9). The Bible knows what is in our hearts (see also Matthew 15:9). Even starting to come to terms with it all is difficult and painful, and it will not likely happen until we have failed. And when we have utterly failed and stopped laying the blame on others, and have started to become aware of our personal potential for both good and evil in our hearts, then we start to truly see our need of Jesus. And this truth will sets us free if we flee to Jesus for refuge from ourselves (Hebrews 6:18), and receive His Mercy and allow Him to give us a new heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26).
Father, without this self knowledge we tend to compare ourselves with others and this is not wise (2 Corinthians 10:12). Jesus is the standard, and with respect to the rest of us, we all have sinned and fallen short of Your glory (Romans 3:23). Thank You Lord for Your invitation to flee to You. When we do Lord we are blessed because our sins are covered and You do not impute iniquity to us (Psalm 32:1,2a). We praise and thank You Lord in Jesus Name Amen
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