Unless the LORD had helped me

.... my soul would soon have settled in the silence of the grave. When I said, "My foot is slipping," your unfailing love, LORD, supported me. In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul (Psalm 90:17-19). It is the testimony of many I know, and of myself, that we would not have made it without the Lord. And I mean that quite literally. Both my father, and one of my sisters died of broken hearts, and both at age. Of course that was not on their death certificates. But when your world had fallen apart, you have little will to fight the diseases that ravage your body. You hear of those who fight cancer who struggle with it for years before they succumb. You also hear of those who give up after being diagnosed with it, and die shortly afterwards. This is the sort of thing I am talking about.

Though I had been a Christian for over two decades, my relationship with the Lord was not as strong as it might have been, but it was there, and I knew to go to Him when I was in trouble. In my mid fifties however, everything other than Him, that had up to that point given me meaning and significance, was gone. My foot was indeed slipping, and I was in grave danger of falling into the generational pattern of premature deaths. Slowly, gradually, thought many slips and struggles, my relationship with Him grew. I have often said that you don't know that God is all you need, until God is all you have. During those times I would turn time, and time again for support, to the unfailing steadfast love and mercy of the LORD (the meaning of the Hebrew in verse 18).

And I need steadfast love and mercy and support, as I struggled with some of my pre Christian addiction that had returned, together with a new one (obsessive thinking), that I had piked up along the way. Obsessive thinking, you know when thoughts go round and round and round in your mind. The phrase “multitude of anxieties” fits the bill. The Lord had given me a song years earlier “I will greatly rejoice in the Lord” (Isaiah 61:10). It has seemed impossible at the time, and even more so in that season. But with the Lord all things are possible, and His comforts, compassions, solace and consolations (again the meaning of the Hebrew) gradually brought me through. And I can truly say, without a shadow of doubt, that “Unless the LORD had helped me, my soul would soon have settled in the silence of the grave.”

Father, there are many who say things like “How can something (the Bible) that is thousands of years old, be relevant for today?” It's a statement rather than a question, but it could not be more wrong! And Lord the saying is true Lord, that there are no atheist in fox holes (the bomb creators that soldiers hide in when the bombs are falling thick and fast). And Lord I did discover in and through the trials, temptations and struggles of those days, that You are indeed all I need. And I want to thank You again this morning for saving my soul and my life. And I give You all the glory and the praise in Jesus Name Amen.