Our hurts, habits and hang ups (II) Over what do you have control?

“I am not going to let anyone control me or tell me what to do, I'm in control, not you, not anyone, not even  God!” I hear this sentiment a lot, but do we really have control or are we kidding ourselves? Rick Warren suggests that there are at least four areas where we try to control, but where,  in the long run,  we totally fail. Firstly we try to control our pain. And we do it in thousand ways. We medicate it with alcohol, or drugs or pornography, or by being busy, by workaholism,  or trying to get getting rich, or chasing fame, anything so I don't have to slow down and think. In the end we don’t do drugs to get high, we do drugs or many of the other things on the list, to kill the pain. It might work for a while, but only for a while, and when we stop it’s worse. No, we cannot control the pain, not even close.

Secondly we try to control our image, how other people see us. We like to put our best foot forward, to show the good and hide the not so good. We may fool some, but we fool ourselves if we think nobody sees through it. Young people especially, particularly our sons and daughters, can sniff this sort of thing out from a thousand miles away. Thirdly, we try to control others. We try to do it through guilt, or anger, or  manipulation , or shame. Or or we do it passive aggressively using punishing silences. But trying to control others is one of the surest ways to sabotage relationships. You see if you don’t want to be controlled, you can be sure the other person doesn’t want to be controlled either. There is a saying that the only person you can control is you! But can we even do that? Well actually, this brings us to the fourth and final item in Rick's list. 

So finally then, we try to control our run away habits and hang ups. How often have I heard “I can quit anytime, or I change anytime (depending on the habit or hangup). I just don’t want to!” But it’s only when we try to change that we see how ingrained is the habit, and how difficult it is to quit. Have you ever noticed that good habits are hard to get into, and easy to get out of, while bad habits are easy to get into, and hard to get our of? Paul wrestling this this phenomenon could write “ I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what’s right, but I can’t. I do what I don’t want to — what I hate” (Romans 7:15). Jesus put is this way “He who sins is sin’s servant” (John 8:34). When we have developed sinful habits and appetites, and the appetite says “Jump,” we answer “How high?”

Father, a verse I keep quoting comes to mind  “Do not be deceived, whatever a man sows that will he also reap”(Galatians 6:7).  And when we sow an action over and over, we reap a habit. It's an illusion to believe that we're in control. Oh sure there are some things we can control, but not so much the things that matter. So Lord please grant me the serenity to stop trying to control the things I'm not supposed to, the courage and the Grace to change the things I can and should, and the wisdom to know what's what in Jesus Name Amen