Growing through difficulties and conflict

There are some people who seem to enjoy conflict. I don't know if I would go that far as to say that was me, but I did not tend to back down, because in my arrogance and domination, I used to tend to get my way. It resulted in a broken marriage, and when I got saved tended to go to the other extreme in conflict avoidance. In fact in Christian circles most of us avoid conflict like the plague. And because of this reluctance, we tend to let things slide that we should not. I wish I could tell you that every time I tried to deal with an issue in my personal life or in the fellowship was successful, but that would not be true. I used to have the impression that it was only in the homes of alcoholics and the like, that rules like “don't think, don't feel, don't rock the boat” were in operation. I now know that similar unwritten, unspoken and often unacknowledged but nevertheless strongly upheld rules are, at some level or in some variation are in operation almost everywhere.

But just because these rules are never discussed or acknowledged, does not mean nobody is getting hurt. And there are signs, if you know where to look for them, that not all is well in the Kingdom. In marriage for example one or the other party can explode because the toothpaste is squeezed out of the wrong end of the tube, or that there are toast crumbs in the butter. If these things were the real problem, they would be easy to solve with his and hers toothpaste, or his and hers butter. But what tends to happen when we avoid conflict forever, is that we push stuff under the rug and push stuff under the rug until what's under the rug is a monster. And the monster will burst forth eventually, and likely not at the best time. His and hers toothpaste is likely a bandaid on a weeping wound. They are symptoms, that should show us that there is something wrong. Too many relationships end, because the symptoms were ignored until the monster burst forth, and then it is usually considered to be too late.

These things are on my heart this morning, because of a potential conflict that was resolved because a brother was not afraid to gently and lovingly confront me. And it was largely his graciousness that allowed the situation to be quickly resolved. My respect for this person has increased dramatically, though I had already thought highly of him. And what I am wanting to say, is that I believe that when we are willing to come together to the foot of the cross in respect and humility, that the Lord can do miracles. More generally, we can aim to see every negative thing as having potential for our growth, if we just learn to respond the right way. We need His Grace to do this many times, and it is likely to be a journey where we progress, rather than it be an instant fix. But what I do know, is that I have grown more through the major difficulties in my life than from other things.

Father, help me to live out of the truth that You are actively working all things together for my good (Romans 8:2), and please give me the grace to respond in faith to the difficulties of life in Jesus Name Amen