Big boys (girls) don't cry

Many of us, grew up with such shame-based guilt trips (or worse). We may have being called “crybaby,” or told to pull ourselves together or “If you don’t stop crying I will give you something to cry about.” Modern research however, reveals that tears can be healing. But of course the Bible got their first. For example Jesus wept (John 11:35), and Paul tells us “I wrote to you out of much affliction and anguish of heart and with many tears .... (2 Corinthians 2:4).

Nevertheless, research can give us insight into these things. For example Biochemist and “tear expert” Dr. William Frey at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis discovered that reflex tears are 98% water, whereas emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying. ... In addition to physical detoxification, emotional tears heal the heart.

That emotional tears always heal the heart, doesn’t seem to be quite right. Paraphrasing Jonathan Rottenberg in an article entitled “Crying is not always beneficial” (Psychology Today blog 21 July 2010), says among other things, that the benefits of crying are more likely in settings where people are dealing with their stuff. He also talks about it being for people who are comfortable expressing their emotions, and also when the people crying are not depressed or anxious. The biblical examples given above are not of this latter kind.

But I want to pick up on this thought about people who are not comfortable expressing their emotions. I do believe that when dealt with properly, tears can be healing even for those who are not comfortable expressing their emotions. Let me explain.

In ministry, I have found that people who are not comfortable with crying, often had the type of experience referred to in the title of this post when they were young. Also in ministry, I have encountered people who are so wounded they are afraid to cry precisely because, they fear that if they ever get started they will never stop. This is where people who have been deeply wounded and have received healing themselves, are able to help.

Part of Jesus’s mandate, was and is to heal the brokenhearted (Luke 4:18). And in doing this, He often uses “wounded healers.” In other words, as in part of the 12th step of any 12-step program “ Having had a spiritual awakening …., we tried to carry this message to” others. In particular I have had the privilege of watching God at work precisely in this area, as a wounded healer came alongside one who was afraid to cry, and cried for her. After a while she was able to cry appropriately. And these tears were indeed healing.

Father, I thank You that Your word is true, I thank You that You do indeed heal the broken hearted and set the prisoners free. Thank You Lord for what You have done in my life. Help me Lord to be able to share with others the hope of healing that You have given me. In Jesus Name Amen