Tough love

In the context of recovery, an enabler is one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior. For example the spouse of an alcoholic may provide excuses and/or cover for the spouse’s behaviour. Such enabling may be thought to be loving, but it is at least partially responsible for the destruction, so it is definitely not love! Since people who are abused tend to abuse, the leader of a recovery group can be an enabler by not dealing with abuse within the group, be it verbal or otherwise, or sexual harassment and the like. Such behaviour is highly destructive since many times it re-traumatizes people who have already bean traumatized.

There are Biblical ways to deal with this sort of thing, and the goal is always reconciliation where possible. But there are times when it is not, and there are Biblical warrants to know when to put a person out of fellowship. In particular, if the person will not “listen” by which we understand repenting and turning from the behaviour, then the person should be put out (Matthew 18:17; 1 Corinthians 5:5).

In the context of the second reference, Paul tells us why. It is because a little leaven leavens the whole lump (1 Corinthians 5:7). In other words such behaviour is infectious and results in the group being dysfunctional and unsafe. As I say, the goal is reconciliation, and in 2 Corinthians 2:7 we read of Paul instructing the Corinthians to forgive and comfort the now repentant man, so that “he would not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.” It is clear that the consequence, the pain of being put out, was the very thing that brought the man to his senses.

Father, there are times when our acting in love may seem like lack of love to others. At such times in my own life Lord, I am grateful that You have been teaching me that what You think about me, is far more important than what others think about me. Still these times of showing “tough love,” are difficult, and I need Your help to be and to act as the man You want me to be. Thank You Lord that I do not have to do it alone, for You have promised wisdom when I ask, and Your assurance that You are with me in Jesus Name Amen