In my journey to becoming a Christian, I discovered that I did not like myself very much. And then after I became a Christian, my journey continued by realizing that if I was going to obey the first commandment to love Him with everything I am and have, then I need to love what He loves. And He loves me!
In walking in the light, as He is in the light (1 John 1:7), one of the first things that we need to deal with, is unforgiveness. He taught us to pray “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive the sins of others.” Part of what this means it is that we need to extend the same measure Grace that He gives to us, to others.
Learning to forgive others, is certainly a process. I have heard three stages of this process described. The first, “ I forgive you, but I don’t want to see you.” The second, “ I forgive you and I will speak to you as we pass in the corridor”. The third stage, “ I forgive you, and I am willing to enter into a relationship with you.” Actually, it’s not always wise to enter into this third stage, for example with someone who has abused you, and is likely to abuse you again. But under normal circumstances, this third stage has a lot to do with what Jesus talked about when He talked about forgiving from the heart (Matthew 18:35). The point I think, is that we need to keep working on the process, choosing to forgive over and over, until it no longer hurts.
At this stage, we can actually start to like the person. All this to say, that we need to apply this very same process to self forgiveness. In fact there are consequences for not doing this. What I have discovered, is that the faults in others that I find the most irritating, are the very same faults that I myself have (see Romans 2:1). The point is, that until I have forgiven myself for those faults, I am likely going to continue to be irritated with those faults in others. And inevitably that irritation will come out somewhere, and that somewhere will be a someone, and that someone will likely be my neighbour!
So what I’m saying here, is that obeying the command to love God with everything that I am and have, involves learning to love myself. And this too is a process, and it starts with choosing to accept His forgiveness, His love, His grace, and embracing my identity as His precious child!
Father, choosing to hold grudges, refusing to forgive is wrong. It’s wrong with respect to others, and it’s wrong with respect to myself. But I have learned that when I am doing something wrong, I need to bring that to you to confess and to forsake. This is good news, because then there is something I can do about it, I can confess self unforgiveness, and then bring that to You to be forgiven, to be cleansed from it, and to receive Your power to help me change. And it’s working Lord! I thank You and give You the honour, all the glory and all the praise in Jesus Name Amen
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