I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him

I’m finding myself in space this morning that is at the same time unfamiliar but also strangely familiar! This month is the 46th anniversary of my Damascus Road experience (i.e. conversion), and I am finding myself challenged to commit to never saying “No” to the Lord. I have prayed at times in the past, asking the Lord to help me never to say “No” to Him, but I am guessing I never actually made this commitment. Or if I have (not sure), then the Lord is asking me to confirm it this morning. It is unfamiliar, because it is incredible to me that after 46 years I still seem to be wondering if I can really follow through on this, and wondering if I can trust Him! But part of this is that He has not yet followed through on a promise He made to me over 21 years ago now! Yet!

On top of this, in this morning’s readings I read “It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay” (Ecclesiastes 5:5). This space is also familiar, because I am now remembering what I was feeling in the year of back and forth vacillation, that led up to my conversion! Well actually in a number of times since too! And in remembering, it is helping me to sympathize with the struggle of those the Lord is calling to the new birth. Is it any coincidence, that in addition to all this, I was discussing something similar yesterday, namely the difference between saying I want to become whole, and being willing to do whatever it takes to become whole? Whatever it takes! I have said it before, salvation is free, but becoming free, will take everything that you are and have. And part of the similarity, is that both of these things inevitably involve suffering!

So meditating on this morning’s verse from 2 Timothy 1:12, I am asking myself if I know whom I have believed and I answer “Yes.” And I am also asking if I am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him, and again I answer “Yes.” And as I wrestle with this even as I write, I know that this never saying no, has to start with my saying yes to to His question to me this morning. And in the future I won’t be able to wonder if I had actually made the commitment or not (you know the pesky business about having a convenient memory), because it will be in print for the whole world to see. This is good, because it is rather like the need for the new convert to confess with his mouth that Jesus is Lord to the glory of God (Romans 10:9).

Father, thank You for Your patience with me, and for the gentle way that You reveal what is hidden. I feel no condemnation here and I want to thank You for that too. So this morning I choose to continue on the journey of becoming free and whole and growing in You, and I commit with Your help to never say “No” to what You require of me. Please make your commands clear and plain Lord, so that I might truly know what is of You, and what is not. In Jesus Name Amen