"Games” we play (I)



Has anyone ever tried to manipulate you? And if they have, did they tell you “You do realize of course that I am manipulating you!”   Yeah,   not likely. But why is that?   Well the point is that if you know someone is trying to manipulate you, it will likely not succeed.   But manipulation is just one of many subtle,   and not so subtle,   ways we have of trying to control one another. Likewise if somebody is trying to control you, or you are trying to control someone,   you likely will not want them to know.   I mean it's better if they don't know, because if they know they might resist, or if that is too difficult or costly, they may get resentful or uncooperative in other areas or ways that would be unhelpful.



I was the “leader” of a “gang” of three that formed in my final years of graduate study at the University. My leadership was very much of the world (I was not yet a Christian),   and my way of getting my own way utilized   the gift of the gab, domination and if that didn't work, anger.   I was   big fish in a very small pond, and I tried to take this way of operating into my first marriage. “How did that work for you?” I hear you ask.   Well,   I describe that marriage as akin to tying two tiers by their tails and throwing us into a cage.   Having an oversensitive nature behind my brashness and arrogance, her primary weapons targeted my most vulnerable parts, the wounds incurred in family of origin. Her weapons     included   punishing silences,   long periods of withdrawal and an unwillingness to forgive.     Who could blame her?   Remember not oh Lord,   the sins of my youth.

What is interesting though, if not diabolical, is that at the time neither of us was aware of our own part, that our own faults and manipulative behaviours were making matters far, far worse.   Part of what I am saying here, is that often we are little aware of the “games” we play to try to control and manipulate one another.   And the so called “irreconcilable difference” that are blamed for the breakup of so many marriages is little more than a cover up for not being willing to cooperate with the Lord in what He intends to happen in clearly wildly different, but somehow similar,   scenarios we find ourselves in, in marriage. When (not if) we wake up to discover some of these games in each other, we need first and foremost to obey the command to “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). Remember we are likely far from innocent too!

Father, some of us find forgiving easier than others, but there is a reason that some of Your strongest teachings surround this subject. First and foremost You tell us clearly that if we do not forgive, neither will You forgive us (Matthew 6:15). We need Your forgiveness, and Your help. Forgiveness does not mean what the other person did was okay, nor that they can do it again. And when we been deeply hurt Lord, it may take a long time for us to forgive from the heart as You command us to do. But if we don’t forgive, then in the end we are the ones who suffer the most. So we need to forgive for ourselves. We also need we need to forgive ourselves, and sometimes this is the hardest thing of all. In any case Lord please help us to continue to choose to forgive until it doesn’t hurt anymore. And we will give You the honour and glory and praise in Jesus Name Amen