Reconciliation, relationships and recovery

“Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). Many times in recovery, the main focus of what we do is do, is to try to get rid of our addictive behaviours, or to convince another person that we have changed enough, to make the relationship work. To put this another way, especially in Christian circles, it’s all about the appearance of holiness. But God is much more interested in the inner workings of our heart. He is interested in true reconciliation first and foremost with Himself (2 Corinthians 5:18, 19), then with one another (as much as possible within you live at peace with one another Romans 12:18), and then finally He wants us to be reconciled to ourself. Over and over I hear people say that the hardest person to forgive is themselves. So in a real sense relationship reconciliation is at the heart of the gospel, and at the very heart of recovery. It is also at the heart of twelve-step programs.

I have come to describe the first twenty or so years of my Christian life as that of being a dry drunk. I had substantial, though not complete, victory over my difficulties with alcohol, but there was no healing. Though I was reluctant to admit it, I was afraid of being alone. And I cared more about my reputation, about what others thought about me than what God thinks about me. I didn’t phrase it in those terms, I phrased it in trying times of trying to find myself, trying to find my place in the Christian world, trying to find the ministry that would satisfy me. I was essentially a Christian workaholic, addicted to the various forms of ministry in which I was involved. But like any addiction, it was never enough. I knew I needed something more and I thought I knew what it was, but I didn’t have a clue!

I have come to see and realize, that all of these things or symptoms of an orphan spirit. I needed to be seen, I need to stand out and to gain the approval of others, I never felt I belonged to the church family, I was (in spite of the outward appearance) insecure. I was performance oriented. These symptoms seem to be a widespread phenomenon, it is the spirit of the age! The little boy within me was crying out for Daddy! Oh I knew in my head that God the Father loved me, but I thought He was like my earthly father who I knew loved me, but was distant and we had no real relationship. I needed the experience of the extravagant healing love of the Father. I needed to renounce the lies I had believed about Him. This is my testimony “I waited patiently on the Lord, I cried out to Him and He heard my cry, He lifted me out of a desolate pit, and He put a song in my mouth, a song of praise unto my God” (Psalm 40:1-3).

Father, I have come to believe that until we know experientially who we are in You, we will never be whole. When we don’t know who we are in You, we leave ourselves open to the very same temptation that Jesus resisted when Satan came tempting Him saying “If you are the Son of God…” And as he was seeking to cast doubt upon His identity, so he seeks to cast doubt on ours. But Jesus is not ashamed to call us His brothers (Hebrews 2:11), and we are joint heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17). Thank You Father that You have not given us an orphan spirit, but You have given us the spirit of adoption and we cry out to You this morning Abba, Daddy, Father. Help us to receive and rest in this Lord in Jesus Name Amen