It takes a village to build, nurture and restore relationships (III) Dynamics

Reconciliation between parties who, for whatever reason, are at loggerheads is intended to be a joyous thing. It is the heart of every parent that their children should get along. And it is at the heart of God that we should too. The instruction to as much as possible live at peace with all (Romans 12:18), is perhaps the essence of the scriptures we are looking at. The first, to go to my brother when it’s my fault, the second to go to him when it’s his (Matthew 5:24;18:15-17). It works best of course, when both are admitting their part in what went wrong (James 5:16). And this is something that is best learned early in the family, and in church. It needs to be at the very heart of the “village” dynamics. But as we have been saying, many times it is something to aim for, rather than the reality on the ground.

The reality on the ground, is much more likely that when one of the parties does something wrong, he or she may be reluctant to admit it. They may not even be conscious of doing wrong. Habits develop, and when we have gotten away with things in the past, it can become just part of background. Also the one to whom the wrong is done, more often than not finishes up compounding the problem. As I’ve said before, wrong reactions to wrongs done, are also wrong. Wrong responses include attack, or going and telling another brother rather than going to the brother. When we don’t take the problem to the person involved, we almost inevitably finish up involving others. And this far too easily slips into sowing discord among the brethren (Proverbs 6:19). In other words the problem is not contained, and it can infect the whole fellowship. And this is why it is so important to deal with these things Biblically!

And it’s not just what we do in trying to contain this, is also very much how and when we do it. We all know of situations where people don’t speak to each other for years. And when this happens the difficulties can fester rather than fade. So in the best of all worlds, sooner rather than later is best. On the other hand my own experience has been that at times going too soon just reminds the person of the wrong done, and anger can result. This is particularly the case when anger is part of that person’s family dynamic, or when that person’s way of dealing with things is to ignore the issue in the hope that it fades. Concerning how we do it, this is very much what we have been talking about in recent blogs in “considering ourselves,” and moving towards coming together in humility and grace at the foot of the cross (James 5:16).

Father, in trying to sort these things out, we truly need to be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves (Matthew 10:16). The Scripture gives us much direction, but it has to be sussed out. We need Your help Lord, we need Your wisdom and gentleness. We need to be slow to anger and quick to forgive. We need humility and grace. So we ask for these things this morning Lord, and we thank You in advance that because this is Your heart, these things will surely be given. Thank You Lord in Jesus Name Amen