How many times must I forgive my brother?

This was Peter’s question to Jesus, who essentially answered "infinity" (Matthew 18:21, 22)! God’s love and forgiveness is without end, and we are to be imitators of God. Many of us struggle with this however, and the command to forgive from the heart (Matthew 6:15) is likely a process. It starts with choosing, with God’s help, to forgive. Many times, it’s impossible without Him! Sometimes being told to forgive, can seem almost as abusive as that which caused the offence. But the ones who suffers the most from hanging onto an offence are the injured ones and those the injured ones love. In particular unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness rob us of joy, of the abundant life, and defile many (Hebrews 12:15).

I am never more aware as I am this morning, of the inadequacy of three paragraphs and a prayer to deal with issues of the heart. It is my hope and my prayer however, that these posts will lead to the start of pursuing what needs to be pursued. There is much written about forgiveness. As above, we need to forgive for ourselves, and we need to forgive because we ourselves need, and will need, to be forgiven. And unforgiveness cuts us off from this (Matthew 6:15). Salvation is after all, about being forgiven. I tell the boys down at the pen, that if they don’t know the Lord, then one of the biggest differences between me and them, is that I am forgiven, and they are not. Salvation, forgiveness, is of course offered to all as a free gift (Ephesians 2:8, 9). We received it through repentance and faith!

A few comments. Firstly if we wait until we feel like forgiving it will never happen. We need to act our way into feelings, not feel our way into acting. Secondly forgiveness is not saying that what the other person did was okay, it was not. Related to this, is trust. Forgiveness needs to be freely offered, trust needs to be earned. The person at fault needs to realize that repentance is much more than saying sorry, there needs to be follow through. Evidence of true repentance takes time to manifest! Lastly forgiveness is not letting the other person off the hook. True reconciliation in relationships, as opposed to a mere cessation of hostilities, will not likely happen unless and until both parties take responsibility for their part in what went wrong. In many ways this is all about having healthy boundaries.

Father, the reference in Hebrews talks about making sure that we do not fail to obtain Your grace to overcome resentment, bitterness and the like. Thank You Lord that You have made Your enabling grace, the wherewithal to do what we cannot do without You, so readily available. We do have to receive it, and it starts with asking You to help us to obey the command to forgive. Your answer to Peter's question, that we need to forgive seventy times seven, is not only about forgiving many offences, but that if we are to forgive from the heart, then we need to keep choosing over and over to forgive, possibly even a single offence. We need to keep on choosing to forgive until it doesn’t hurt anymore. And in all of this, we must not forget what it cost You to forgive us, and to respond accordingly (Matthew 18:21-35). So we thank and praise You again this morning Lord, in Jesus Name Amen