Honour, listen, speak. Iron sharpening iron (VII)

In a line from the movie Bambi, Thumper is heard to say “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” In its context (i.e. children squabbling) it makes a certain kind of sense, but to treat it as an absolute truth is a mistake. For example following this advice might lead you to not dealing with things that really need to be dealt with. But to throw out the the spirit of the advice can lead to raucous argumentation. Dealing with things in anger, or not dealing with things in conflict avoidance, i.e. not saying anything in an attempt to be “nice,” are both wrong. They will eventually sabotage the relationship, no matter how strong it was in the beginning.

The way that we as Christians are intended to deal with this sort of thing, is to come against them in the opposite spirit. We need to come against anger in a spirit of sweet reasonableness. The Scriptures tell us “a gentle answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1). On the other hand we sometimes need to exercise tough love. The Scriptures recognizes this when it tells us “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6). I am not saying this is easy, but it is about dealing with His way, and this involves honouring each other, and in humility regarding the other is better than self (Philippians 2:3). We can honour the other one because he or she is worthy of honour because we are all made in the image of God. We do not have to honour the behaviour pretending it doesn’t matter, but we do have to honour the person!

Once we have absorbed first and foremost the need to deal with each other in honour, then James has some further advice. He tells us firstly we need to realize that in many things we all fail (James 3:2). Secondly, since this is true, and we are easily deceived in may things especially in relationship to the tongue, then we need to humble ourselves before the mighty hand of God (James 1:6, 22, 26; 4:10). Furthermore when we humble ourselves, He gives us grace, the wherewithal to do what without Him we cannot do (James 4:6). Finally he tells us to be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath (James 1:19). One of the ways we can know we are truly hearing each other, is to reflect back what we understand the other person has just said and ask “Is this what you are saying?” In this way we can avoid many, many misunderstandings. It also helps us to not be simply waiting for our turn to jump, in without really listening (slow to speak). When we speak we do of course need to speak in love (Ephesians 4:15).

Father, in the midst of conflict, we need Your help to be kind and compassionate one to another, forgiving one another just as You forgave us in Christ (Ephesians 4:32). Thank You for reminding me this again this morning Lord that lack of forgiveness is one of Satan’s devices to trip us up, and take us captive to do his will (2 Corinthians 2:11; 2 Timothy 2:26). Thank you too Lord that we do not have a high priest who cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmity. Thank you Lord that you understand us, and invite us to come before your throne of grace that we might obtain mercy in grace to help in our time of need (Hebrews 4:15,16). And I praise and bless You again this morning Lord in Jesus Name Amen