Iron sharpening iron (VIII) Responsibility, restitution and reconciliation

Just as the dross rises to the top in the process of smelting silver, so too does the heat generated in interactions in close relationships, bring our hidden character defects to the fore. Of course it also brings up the dross in the other persons life too, but the question is “How will I deal with this?” My thoughts this morning are taking me along the lines of what He needs me to do in terms of taking responsibility for my part in what is going wrong, in terms of appropriate restitution (appropriate compensation), and in what He wants of me in the process of reconciliation. The scripture tells me “As much as it lies within you be at peace (reconciliation) with all (Romans 12:18).

The default reactions to the “dross” rising to the surface in our interpersonal relationships are anger, blame, resentment, control, malice, getting even etc., etc. It seems to be so much easier to see the faults in the the other, person than it is to see, let alone admit, our own faults. We need to see these things as a crossroads and respond in the way that Jesus did who “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). Clearly if we are at fault we need to take responsibility and admit it, but we are also responsible to our reactions to the wrong done. It is not about who started it, it is about who will be the peace maker (a gentle answer turns away wrath Proverbs 15:1).

In terms of restitution, there is wisdom in the ninth step of twelve-step-programs “make direct amends wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” But most of the time at the very least we, if we are to obey Romans 12:18 quoted above, we will need to apologize for our part in what went wrong. And we need to do this whether the other person is willing to take responsibility for their part or not. The Old Testament law often required restitution to be more than what was taken (i.e Exodus 21:33-34; Numbers 5:5-7). When the offence is great, we will need great sincerity, wisdom, humility and grace to do this well, and we may need to wait on Him for the timing - the right time for them as well as for our coming to the place where we can do this with grace. We also need His wisdom for the means (face to face, phone, letter etc., etc).

Father, since it is true that You are actively working for good in all things for those of us who love you, then we need to see everything, including interpersonal conflict, as an opportunity for You to make us more like Jesus. And since we are to be Your agents in reconciling the world to You (2 Corinthians 5:18), it makes no sense for us to refuse to be reconciled in our personal conflicts. But once again Lord, we need Your comfort and mercy and grace and love. And I ask things things for myself, and all those reading this blog this morning, in Jesus Name Amen