When I am in conflict with others, I need to be reminded over and over that the other person is not the enemy (our struggle is not against flesh and blood). I’m not saying the evil one is not using them, but at least half the time they are not aware that they are being used. On top of this after working the course on boundaries in the fellowship, the Lord has been showing me that in many ways I have been training others to deal with me the way that they do. In particular there have been times and seasons when I have allowed others to manipulate and control me.
Actually, I come by this honestly, it’s a generational thing. In fact I initially rebelled against what was happening in my family, and became manipulative and controlling myself. The Scripture says you reap what you sew, and this behaviour led to a broken marriage with its accompanying heartbreak. The good thing about that was that it led to my conversion.
I then proceeded to go the other way, and became open to being controlled and manipulated. And I have come to see that with my weak boundaries, by giving in when I should not have done, I did indeed train others to deal with me the way that they did. As they teach in the boundaries course, more often than not this will lead to an explosion, as the need to put up a boundary becomes a matter of life and death. At such points, we rarely get it right, and I did not, putting the brakes on to quickly resulting in numerous relational breakdowns. Some of these are still not mended years later. But the Lord has been showing me that in some ways I am still operating in codependent ways. Hopefully now I can deal with this more gently, but also more firmly. Again, as they tach in the boundaries course, I need His help, and the support of others in order to do this.
The point is I am beginning to realize that in certain aspects of my relationships, I am still being taken advantage of. This leaves me feeling unappreciated and disrespected. And how this fits in with this morning’s post, is that I need to see that the ones who are doing this are not the enemy. In fact I am finding that I need to apologize for training them the way I have. It is not good for them, and it’s not good for me!
Father, it seems Lord that our sinful fallen nature causes all kinds of problems both for ourselves and for others. It’s good to know that You are sovereign, that in spite of it all You remain in control. Thank You that You have promised me that You are working even all these things out for my good because I love You and are called according to Your purpose. Give me the courage to do the things that I now feel You are calling me to do in relationships, and help me to do it in a way that brings honour and glory to Your name. In Jesus Name Amen
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