A time to embrace, a time to refrain from embracing (I) The sanctity of marriage

I am not among those who think it's never right for a couple to re-marry if one or both are divorced.  Forty or so years ago this position was strongly held in many churches. And unfortunately it often lead to divorced people being treated like second class citizens, essentially rejecting those already deeply wounded by rejection. Such behaviour is inconsistent with the gospel. I do think however, that we have gone too far the other way, and that we give up on marriage far too easily. This aught not to be, especially in the church. As I have said before, I believe marriage is one of God’s primary tools to chisel us into His image. And when we shortcut that process by divorce, leaving the often unacknowledged issues that prompted it undealt with, we carry those very same issues into the next relationship.

Children of divorce suffer every bit as much as the parents. Research has shown that the norm is life long trauma for adult children of emotional and actual divorce. This is one more example of the sins of the fathers being visited on the children (Exodus 20:5). In particular, divorce rates among children of divorce are higher than among the general population. And these rates have been accelerating since the introduction of “no fault” divorce. Statistics show divorce rates in the church are no different from those in the world. This also aught not to be. And part of this, is that the Church is not doing its job either in its teaching, or in its intended role as advocates and mediator between hurting couples in the Church.

Part of this, is that we have failed to understand the times and the seasons and accordingly, we do not know what to do (1 Chronicles 12:32). With respect to the subject at hand, marriage and the family have been under attack over at least the last fifty years. But when the enemy comes in like a flood the Lord raises a standard against him (Isaiah 59:19). And part of this is secular. I have been fascinated by the connections between Biblical principle and secular research. It’s not always correct, because some of the secular research is based on unBiblical presuppositions. It is my observation however, that when something works, it always has Biblical warrant. But the resources that make the most sense is the Christ based recovery principles in the various ministries God is raising up everywhere. And the church needs to wake up, and embrace this vital aspect of sanctification. Jesus came to heal the broken hearted and set the prisoners free (Luke 4:18), and these are some of the tools He is providing so we can do our part. It can't just be the pastor who ministers, it takes a “village” to come along side the hurting, and we need the Lord to raise up mothers and fathers to do this.

Father, thank You for the many resources, tools and keys that You are raising up in this season, to enable individuals and communities to come back to the place where the world will be provoked by the quality of our marriages and fellowship. This morning's verse from Ecclesiastes 3:5 hints that it is not always possible to live at peace with each other (Romans 12:18). But since Your best is always for unity and reconciliation, separation needs to be a last resort. Bring us Father in gentleness, humility and mutual submission, to the foot of the cross, and there heal our divisions Lord, in Jesus Name Amen