A time to embrace, a time to refrain from embracing (III) Remarriage

In 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 we read that under certain circumstances in marriages where one spouse it a believer, divorce and  remarriage are permitted.  Paul is careful to say first,  that the unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the believer, and that the children are holy. And so if the unbeliever is content to stay, there should be no divorce (verse 13). However, if the unbeliever wants to leave, the believer is “not bound” (verse 15). The reference is clearly about not being bound by the marriage covenant. Though disputed, it seems clear to me that what Paul is saying, is that if the unbeliever breaks the covenant by leaving, the covenant is broken, and the believing brother or sister is free to remarry. To me this passage demolishes many of the arguments of those who would take an overly strict interpretation of other passages in the Scripture on divorce.

It is interesting that the word translated here as “unbeliever,” is translated as “unfaithful” in Luke 12:46 and as “faithless” in Revelation 21:8. Clearly one who commits adultery is unfaithful and this too is an exception to “no divorce” (Matthew 19:9). But the point I am making is that Paul is showing that there is more to be said on the issue than in the Matthew reference and its parallels. I want to make two further points here. The first, is that the teachings in both  Corinthians and Matthew,  have to do with permission, it's about it being the lesser  of two evils. The permissions clearly circumvents God's best,  because “from the the beginning it was not so” (Matthew 19:8).  These things also point to the fact that black and white thinking here is inappropriate.  Life is complicated because of free will, because it involves sin and its consequences, and because in some  circumstances there is no perfect solution.  You cannot unscramble eggs,  and because of these things, forgiveness and reconciliation which is always God’s best is not always possible. 

In particular, within the Matthew passage is the recognition that broken trust and the sense of betrayal can wounds so deeply,  that rebuilding these things is impossible. And so God in His mercy, permits divorce. I am quoting the so called exception clause in verse 9. Saying more about permission, we learn   that Moses gave permission for divorce, but only “because of the harness of your hearts” (verse 8). I want to make it clear that in speaking about hardness of heart, I am not wanting to include those who are simply unable to trust again when these things are broken by betrayal. To me this has more to do with woundedness than hardness of heart. The second point I want to make is though we as Christians are given a new heart (Ezekiel 11:19), there is still much hardness of heart on the go within our lukewarm Western Christianity. And What I am asking us to consider, is if hardness of heart should be considered as unbelieving, faithless, or unfaithful, and therefor conclude that there are other circumstances in which a brother or sister is not bound. And if so,  should  decisions about such things be not left to  church leaders? 

Father, it seems to me far too often your people have seen these issues as back and white and accordingly have judged complex situations harshly. In such situations I have to wonder exactly who has a hard heart! Lord please give us wisdom and help us to hold truth, compassion and love in balance in Jesus Name Amen