I visit the sins of the fathers upon the children ….. (Exodus 20:5 part 3)

As both a father and a son, I have become increasingly aware over the years, of the baggage that was passed down to me, and the baggage I passed down to my own children. I didn’t want to pass it on, I didn’t mean to, but it happened! Coming to terms with the negative stuff I received, and the negative stuff I passed on, is part of coming out of denial, but it is also part of what motivates me to bring everything I am and have to the Lord to be forgiven and cleansed, and for Him to redeem what needs to be redeemed. I want to talk more about the redemption part in the days to come, but this morning it’s about our need to come to terms both with what we have received and what we therefore are likely to pass on, or have already passed on, and what the Lord therefore wants to redeem.

I once made the mistake of telling a domineering woman that she was manipulative. There was the devil to pay. Interestingly enough, one of the things that she said was “I won’t put up with that at home, and I won’t put up with it with you!” I don’t think she intended to admit that she had been accused of being manipulative at home. I have no doubt she was, but her angry response both with me and at home, was likely enforcing one of the unspoken but strongly held family rules “You don’t criticize mother (or father)!” This kind of family rule is quite common and strongly reenforced, as this lady did, without words. But you are not allowed to know it's a rule, and you’re not allowed to know that you are not allowed to know! It’s crazy making!

This is perhaps a little overly simplistic, but in this type of scenario you are likely to either not see through it at all, or you see it all too well and break out of it into judgement and/or blame, blame, blame. How many of us have sworn “I will never be like my dad (mum),” only to find out years later that in the things we so despise we are exactly like them? So to use extreme examples, abused children tend to be come abusers, and children of alcoholics become alcoholics. It is not an unbreakable rule of life. Thank God it’s not! It is however the default, and can occur in and all sorts of variations. For example, children of parents who are too strict, can become too permissive, and then their children and become too strict etc., etc. The good news is that God has provided a way, with our cooperation, to interrupt and redeem these cycles. Stay tuned!

Father, thank You for making it clear that it is Your intention to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to the fathers (Malachi 4:6). And the closer I get to You Lord, the more my heart seems to yearn for the reconciliation of relationships in my life that are in need of reconciliation. It’s no wonder really, because it Your heart. It hurts Lord, but then I know that it hurts You too, and it leads me to pray, and that draws me closer to You the God of all comfort. Thank You again this morning Lord for Your extravagant healing love in Jesus Name Amen